Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Power of One

I very recently caught myself in a state of reverie--I think it was during one of those hellish commute nights when the storm was at its worst, when I couldn't hail a cab (or finally get one but would eventually get said no to because my freaking destination was flooded knee-high) and just decided to take a jeepney and walk the rest of the way home.

I was in that state of mind when I realized how so many people are literally dying to get hitched. Committed with someone. "Coupled". And I find myself asking me this question: "What's the rush?"

In my very distant past, I had been very reckless and foolhardy. For the most part of my--ahem--youth--I had been, to borrow my caster friend Enrique's terminology for his ex, a serial monogamist, i.e. someone who would be seriously involved in a monogamous relationship, then split up, only to get himself into yet another monogamous relationship almost instantaneously after the break-up. Yes. I had been like that. I remember being with someone, eventually breaking up with them, and barely a week later, be with someone new...on a "committed", "supposedly long-term" relationship. I say that in quotes for obvious reasons involving tongue-in-cheek, unfortunate and lamentable retrospection. In hindsight, I think the longest I've ever been single (in-between almost proximate relationships, that is) was 26 days...and the shortest? 2 days.

You might be thinking, What is he thinking??? If you've asked me that years ago, I probably would have replied, Because the time's right; I need someone to help me forget XXX and move on, If I don't seize the opportunity now with so-and-so, it might be too late; or worse, Because nobody else might take me in 'cuz I'm damaged good already, and so-and-so seems to be quote-unquote The One.

Pathetic, right? Right. But you must know this fact: some people--and I'm sure you would agree with me here--actually eat these lines for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Some people just can't live with the thought that doing things him/herself could actually be, for lack of a better, more simplistic Kindergartenish term, FUN.

For a while...for a very long while, I'd been in deep consternation about the probability that I would (or could) end up alone. The very simple acts of buying clothes and apparel, watching a movie, having dinner, traveling, hearing mass, and doing the groceries were all requisitely done with a companion--preferably a mate or romantic partner. It was almost taboo to be actually doing these things alone, as if being caught dead doing these solo was a shameful, unacceptable acts somewhere in-between a venial and mortal sin. I was needy; I needed constant affirmation, companionship, and both emotional and egoistical nurturance...and in the process was getting involved with individuals of the same species. Consequently, throughout the aggregate of all these relationships, I had ceased growing individually, stopped pursuing self-awareness, and arrested any liberal enjoyment of my lone self.

It was like that until almost two years ago when I woke up, stepping out of yet another failed relationship, and realized that I wasn't getting any younger and should most definitely start acting my age--less insecure, more in control, and definitely abundant in self-respect.

From that point on, I have discovered--slowly, day after day--that one is actually a good number; that a solo flight could actually make one take wings and reach greater heights of discovery; and that alone doesn't always have to be equated with lonely.

Without completely detaching myself from the outer circle, I have enjoyed being single. I would find pleasure in putting on my iPod, listening to an audiobook, munching my onion rings and burger, and getting lost in my own world amidst a clamorous food court. I'd literally look forward to coming home to a quiet, empty, dark, and nonjudgmental bedroom, pour myself a few swigs of last night's left over wine, and sit alone in the terrace overlooking the busy city, with a feeling of contentment and a slight smile on my lips. I could just stop-and-go and make decisions freely without having to worry about how anyone would feel about such matter, by asking myself first what I would feel about it. Alone, I could go places where my worn-out pair of shoes would take me and not be concerned about where others would want to go. I could spend quiet to loud to deafening moments alone or in the company of some nice friends and stay up all night and wake up insanely late the following morning without having to worry about who was waiting for me to come home or get up the next day.

Never have I enjoyed being single, carefree, at ease, and composed as I have in my last year and a half. And I can't seem to will myself into plucking myself out of this newfound comfort zone. A wee bit part of me shudders at the idea that I might forever and a day be completely immersed in that territory, that I'd refuse to leave. Maybe...or not.

Solo. Single. Alone. One. Singular. I see all these words in a different, more positive, and welcoming light. Can you actually see them this way?

Basura is Basura Part Deux

As I sat slumped on the area rug of my living room with Walt and Rolli having lunch (I asked them to buy me rice, daing na bangus, bananas and Imodium because I was having a REALLY nasty diarrhea), we started talking about a motley of stuff. Rolli started playing Boy Abunda and when he called me Kris, I pretended to plunge the slicing knife down my rib cage and did the whole world a huge favor of ridding it of Kris. Anyway...

Doing his uncanny impersonation of Boy and his Mahiwagang Salamin, he asked me, out of the blue, "Ben..kunwari, XXX (my ex's name) asked you na magbalikan kayo, what will you say? Nandito sya ngayon sa loob ng mahiwagang salamin..." I pretended to be grabbing the imaginary hand mirror, stared at it blankly, and then threw it on the floor and stomped on it intensely, until all imaginary shards of imaginary broken glass were imaginarily pulverized into imaginary powdered glass...and then said, "Next question Kuya Boy..."

I don't see the logic in balikan blues: it's tasteless, it's tacky, and it takes a lot of effort to put fragments back together into an almost-unfractured whole. It's always best to start anew. And although I can almost predict that a whole lot of you reading this will have differing opinions, I still don't buy the cliché "Love is sweeter the second time around".

As I've posted in an earlier blog, basura is basura. It's perfectly alright and acceptable to look at it again, but never to pick it up once more...it's already dirty. Now, my version of all that would be a totally gross interpretation: It's like throwing up. After a period of not feeling good, you vomit...and then it makes you feel so much better. So, even if you already feel better now, don't swallow it back.

I rest my case.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Return of the Comeback.....HEROES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My jaw is still agape, my eyebrows raised and furrowed at the same time, and my heart is still skipping a beat or two.

Heroes is finally back. And I just finished watching episodes 1 and 2. Now I am wishing I was Hiro Nakamura with his time traveling ability, so I could fast forward to next week, and next, and next to get to the next episode(s). Then again, if I were Hiro, I'd just skip to next year when Season 3's entire DVD collection is already on sale...or shared on Torrents. Hehehehe.

Last season's storyboards escalated into more gruesome, more stunts-y, more daring, and more mind-boggling scenarios, it left us hanging (and crying out for more more more) as we saw Sylar finally resurrecting his ability with his dark proclamation, "I'm baaaaack..."

The season opens with high energy right away, and from the first 10 minutes, you would be left staring wide-eyed on your boob tube, wondering what the hell was happening and trying to force-remember last season's last two episodes...assuming you did not sit through the "pre-season 3 teaser", which was really a retrospect episode. And it doesn't give you even the decency of recovering from the cliffhanger adrenaline rush while commercials are airing...because it comes back with more scenes that will most definitely keep you hanging at the edge of your seat...er...bed...er...somewhere.

There's more new characters. More new abilities. More new plots. More new places. And...more new showing of skin. And sex. And if that alone doesn't keep you excited, I dunno what else will.

Download them here:
Episode 01: The Second Coming
Episode 02: The Butterfly Effect

[...leaves and then time travels]

Monday, September 22, 2008

Downsized, Downgraded, Downtrodden

In the unfortunate happening of all the kamalasan and kabwisitan in my condo--water leaks, termite infestation, more water leaks, non-working water tank, and still more water leaks, I decided once and for all to leave the damned thing and pre-terminate the contract. It's been way too long that I've been steadfast and held on to the very last strand of what was left of my patience...but at some point, that strand--down to about 0.00000000009micrometer in one's Vernier Caliper--was a snap waiting to happen.

And in the light of things, i.e. my current purchase of that OhmyGodwhathaveIdone loft-style condo in Greenbelt, I realized, my measly monthly paycheck of XXX pesos cannot sustain paying a yet-to-be-constructed condo unit and another current condo where I will be staying while waiting for the turn-over. So leaving this too-expensive-for-the-quality-of-living-condition-from-it condo unit in favor of a relatively cheaper, much commensurable (to the rent) apartment would actually be a wise move after all.

So, having said that (and insinuated that I am now getting myself downsized, downgraded and a wee bit downtrodden), I am now officially in search of a nice, decent, liveable, clean, affordable apartment. Yes, an apartment and not a condo unit. Or maybe even a house. But please, no boarding houses or bedspaces...I've had my share of that back in University years.

The damned classifieds are either showing listings of LADY occupants, bedspacers, or apartments that are so far off the Makati area. So really, I'm turning half-desperate and half-highstrung now.

If you are--or anyone you know is--renting out an apartment unit, please, please, pretty please, send me a private message or an email at shiaolien@gmail.com. I am in URGENT need of a new place, as my contract ends October 18. My basic considerations are:

1.  Makati area only please--and preferably proximate to the CBD
2.  2-bedroom unit preferred
3.  Safe environment, as well as quiet
4.  Does not flood...not if Mother Nature could help it
5.  Accessible to all public transport (OK, I can forego buses cuz I almost never take 'em)
6.  Relatively big...say the room to be about 20sqm maybe?
7.  No ghostly apparitions...I have a sixth sense that I'd rather not be using!
8.  Friendly, approachable AND reasonable landlord
9.  A provision for a kitchen would be marvelous
10. Clean toilet and bathroom
11. Affordable...or at least commensurate to the condition of the structure

Well, I guess all the above are really basic ones. Anything outside of that would just make me reconsider NOT moving there...


Thursday, September 11, 2008

Astrology My Arse

one of my casters Rory, emailed this to me. as i was still killing about 20 minutes from my lunch hour, i figured maybe, just this one time, i'll indulge myself in some junk mail. ehehehehehe.

according to this email (whose entire content may be found HERE), your personality or character traits may be attributable to your birth month, astrological sign, or the first letter of your name.

ehehehehehe...sige nga!

here's mine:

Does your name begin with: B?

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality.
You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined.
You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover.
You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate.
You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love.
You will hold off until everything meets with your approval.
You can control your appetite & feelings.
You require new sensations and experiences.
You are willing to experiment.


Were you born in: JUNE?

Thinks far with vision.
Easily influenced by kindness.
Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots of ideas.
Active mind.
Tends to delay.
Choosy and always wants the best.
Funny and humorous.
Loves to joke.
Good debating skills.
Knows how to make friends.
Able to show character.
Easily hurt.
Prone to getting colds.
Loves to dress up.
Easily bored.
Seldom show emotions.
Takes time to recover when hurt.
Brand conscious.


Are you under the Zodiac sign: CANCER?

Turn ons: Try to adapt yourself with the chan ging moods of the Cancer. At one moment they may be laughing and enjoying and in another moment they may cry or sulk. You may have to adjust with the moody and sensitive Cancer. They are like the tides in the ocean always fluctuating. Cancer people love food so if you know how to cook and can be poetic and romantic (added Bonus) then you know the way to their heart.

Turn offs: Cancerians are very sensitive people and can get easily hurt. So do not play with t heir emotions and sentiments. They are like tides that can take you with it. They form emotional bonds with even inanimate things too so do not ask them to discard old caps or souvenirs these things hold special meaning to them. You have to realize that the crabs have soft heart and are vulnerable. Do not contradict their tested line of thought and action it would only lead to confusion.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Basura is Basura.

This is going to be one of my shortest blogs (wow, may lagnat yata ako!!!). And it's not even mine.

A friend emailed this a while ago. It's SO very very true, I wish everyone would actually apply this philosophy in their lives.

Here it is:

It's ok to look back at the trash you've thrown away, but never pick it up again -- it's dirty.

Makes sense, diba?

No further comment. Learn how to read between the lines.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Boyce Within

While waiting for the damned training database to be up and running, lemme take a "Multiply Break" and upload this file for sharing...

I came across this boy band (yeah, yeah, I may be old...ER but I still listen to dem boy bands) from Florida named Boyce Avenue. You've heard (about) them? If you haven't, read their profile on http://profiles.friendster.com/72968344">THIS page.  For the love of me, I can't seem to remember why I started thinking this was a US-based Pinoy band. Hmmmm....dahil ba Manzano ang last name? Hehehehehe...

My friend Serp sent me an mp3 of them covering Chris Brown's "With You" a couple of weeks ago, and I actually found it...not bad at all. So, after my search in my torrents and Rapidshare sites (yes, we do pay to be premium users, you know), I got hold of two of their albums. I'll share the covers CD here first. Tell me what you think, and I can email you their other one.

You can download their CD by clicking HERE. Enjoy!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

My Heart

I received this forwarded SMS from Sheila last night while I was toweling myself dry at the gym locker room:

Ever take a close look at "HEALTHY HEART"? Look again."HEAL THY HEART" If we heal our hearts from past hurts, wounds, insults, pain...Forget about getting even, and don't hold grudges, then we will have a healthy heart! :) Good evening! God bless!

I SMS'd her back saying, "Sheils, I am struggling to heal...but I'm just not there yet.

...but what if I don't get there?

I still hurt. I'm still burned. But I can't heal just yet. If time heals all wounds, how much time do I need? Could I be running out of time?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Spank Me Baby, Yeah!

This email made me laugh so hard, for a while there I thought I had a whiplash...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: tantatatan@yahoomail.com
Date: Sep 1, 2008 11:19 AM
Subject: Fw: Spanking children

Spanking children

Most of America's population think its improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique. I think this works for grandchildren, too.


A Friend

Now, now, I think I should start using this method for those pain in the ass colleagues and clients... ;-)